1.4 Creative Writing:

Now and Then

The city is alive. Millions of businessmen are hustling through the streets of Berlin and many tourists are wandering between those high buildings. People, from young to old. People, of every descent and social layers. People, wherever you go! Noises are caused by them: traffic like nonstop chainsaws, voices like 100 operas at once and music like a classical and a rock concert at the same time. You are surrounded by cacophony. There are constantly site noises, as well, because people want to develop further all the time. New houses and skyscrapers are built. Some ships are sailing on the noiseless river. Almost no grass, no plants and no trees are left. That is why nowadays this city is coloured grey with only some colourful accents. At the first sight it seems colourful though, because of the humans. Trains are arriving and leaving the train station every second. The sun is burning on the tarmac of the streets and squares like eggs in the pan. No clouds are seen so shadows are find only between the huge skyscrapers. At day time no escape from all the trouble in the capital Berlin.

The city is sleeping, almost. At night all the busy people are gone as well as the crowd of tourists. Only a few people are seen on the streets. Many of those are unfortunately homeless, drunk or high and the others are relaxing at home, are staying at some restaurants or are enjoying some parties. Deep music, some laughers and some cars are heard on the streets and the site noises have stopped. You are hearing a quiet mixture of noises. Every second building is illuminated, because of advertisements, restaurants or discos. The city is still shining although it is deep at night. Now, the floating river can be heard quietly, but it cannot be seen clearly. The lack of plants is not recognized anymore by the people. All the colours apart from black are caused by artificial light sources like street lamps or car lights. Trains and busses are arriving rarely and are leaving with some few people. The sun had set, the moon rose and the stars are shown. It is cold and a bit freezing, but the people are kept warm inside the buildings.  At night time you are finally able to calm down and to relax in a city like Berlin.

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Nina, well done for experimenting with syntax, and for purposefully leading your reader through these scenes. There is some beautiful imagery in places, and you have removed unnecessary repetition of vocab. to engage the reader. There are sentences where you could extend your image to more than one line; consider the movement, size, shape, colour, position, contrast etc. of your initial subject and describe this aspect in further detail.

Great work thus far!
Mrs Waide

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